One of the most common causes of disruption and turmoil in households today is the conflict between parents who are battling each other in the hierarchy of supremacy. This entire ordeal of conflict often goes unnoticed by each parent as they continuously enforce their opposing beliefs onto the children, which unfortunately is also at the expense of the children themselves. When a child witnesses both parents in conflict, that is to say that both parties believe their ‘way’ to be the best way or the most suitable route to take, a weakness rises to the surface instantly which every single child can easily pick up on. This happens mainly on the subconscious level until the child’s ego comes into play over the early years but it begins to shape the personality of the child destructively and changes the whole dynamics of the family circle drastically. Once in this circle, it is very, very hard to change unless one party removes themselves from the situation and by the time it is apparent that something needs to be done, the pain and misery threshold has been exceeded, leading to a breakdown in the relationship and the single parent syndrome that we see all over the world. Here we have the rebellious child that sees the weak link in the relationship and pulls this string whenever one parent is not conforming. The conflict between the parents teaches the child that it is okay or normal to bring chaos where there is harmony.
The individual parent who seeks to be right above everything will never be satisfied because life will always challenge the egotistic side of human nature. Sometimes, it is necessary to be wrong in order to find our humility so that we can realign with the other parent and stand by them no matter what happens. This sends a message to the child that both parents are working together, in harmony, thus turning adequate responsibility back onto the child for reflection. The child then begins to reflect this same harmony back into the world because its pivot point for learning a positive reflection from two stable sources acting as one. As parents, it is okay for us to be wrong and we must remember that we are still growing in the world. Just because we have children it does not mean that we are no longer capable of learning.
After having children many parents adopt the ‘I know’ attitude wherein they either have to always have the last say or that they rarely listen to the child, always stamping the seal of authority as the last move on the game board. Children usually want to be heard not to be right.
If both parents stand in union with their proposal to the child then the child finds it harder to rebound one parent off of the other and now has a choice to either accept the advice or go at it alone and learn the hard way. The idea is not to make the child conform but to show them that the parents operate as a unit and this is what they will carry forward into their own mutual relationships throughout their teenage and adult lives. Having lived the scenario myself I have seen and acted out first hand with a partner, this type of parenting approach which, if looked at closely, can be seen in the personality of the child as they are growing. The basic erroneous fundamentals that conflict is normal have been seared into the memory and character of our children as they mimic their surroundings - this is the only way they learn at such a young age, by copying the blueprint that we leave behind.
If you want to know which side of the scale you are standing, the next time you are in conflict with your partner about anything at all, try to let go of your own judgment and see it from your partner's point of view and if you find it hard, then you are probably stood in the 'courtroom' as the prosecuting attorney rather than standing by the one you love.