It may seem that our valuable teachings and unconditional love for our children goes unnoticed or rather unappreciated as they tornado through our world often being the bearers of chaos and worry. To the dependent parent, the child seems to be the outlaw, placing bets against the parent to prove themselves right to the contrary, however, since the parent has overlooked the main push and pull factor that is fueling the fire then only more of the same results can be produced bringing more heartache to both. A parent who is dependent on the child conforming to their needs will always find themselves falling short of good parenting. The idea is not only to sharpen the skills of the child but to learn to adapt ourselves so that we are better positioned to handle the turbulence as it arises. When we see ourselves superior to our children they develop a sense of fear that they can never live up to our expectations regardless of what they are because it is us who continue the saga by setting a never ending goal where the finish line is unattainable - "I am the leader, do as I say." He we see the rebellious child growing in competition to prove the parent wrong in all and any aspect.
It is easy to think and demand that the child or teenager must follow in our 'humble' footsteps though we quickly forget that most of us have used our parents' examples to redirect our path and direction away from their mistakes and to capture our own sense of balance and strength in a testing world. The boy who tries to please the father by participating in the local football team becomes progressively miserable as the father relights his childhood dream through the mirror of his son and then becomes disappointed as the boy loses self control and lashes out on the edge of emotional turmoil and imbalance. The scarred mother who smothers and protects her daughter so much through the misery of her own past experiences then passes down the scar of hatred and lack of self esteem to a young teenager who seeks to look outside for the beauty that she already possess. The fact that we think we often know what we are doing or what is best for our children is very worrying considering we often find ourselves saying "I don't know what's wrong with this child, I've tried everything he just does not listen."
Any sane individual can see that when something happens another consequence arises. In the same way that when a parent makes a decision to mold and shape the personality of a child there are certainly going to be short term changes though the inner turmoil goes unnoticed. The child conforms whilst the spring tightens in the pit of the stomach until the coil has no more play and here is where we now have the bewildered parent and the rebel child. Hear your child, sincerely tell them that you value what they have to say, let them show you what they mean, how they feel and why they wish to assert themselves in the way that they do for the missing piece of the puzzle we lost as a child was never given to us by our parents as is reflecting now - it was what we gave away through people pleasing and wearing masks to cover our feelings, the conforming to rules and regulations.
Rules and boundaries are great though the parent who seeks to be right all of the time is usually more deluded than the child for it is not a matter of who is right or wrong, the key to inner freedom for both is who is willing to offer love in a place where ones pride is threatened.
It is easy to think and demand that the child or teenager must follow in our 'humble' footsteps though we quickly forget that most of us have used our parents' examples to redirect our path and direction away from their mistakes and to capture our own sense of balance and strength in a testing world. The boy who tries to please the father by participating in the local football team becomes progressively miserable as the father relights his childhood dream through the mirror of his son and then becomes disappointed as the boy loses self control and lashes out on the edge of emotional turmoil and imbalance. The scarred mother who smothers and protects her daughter so much through the misery of her own past experiences then passes down the scar of hatred and lack of self esteem to a young teenager who seeks to look outside for the beauty that she already possess. The fact that we think we often know what we are doing or what is best for our children is very worrying considering we often find ourselves saying "I don't know what's wrong with this child, I've tried everything he just does not listen."
Any sane individual can see that when something happens another consequence arises. In the same way that when a parent makes a decision to mold and shape the personality of a child there are certainly going to be short term changes though the inner turmoil goes unnoticed. The child conforms whilst the spring tightens in the pit of the stomach until the coil has no more play and here is where we now have the bewildered parent and the rebel child. Hear your child, sincerely tell them that you value what they have to say, let them show you what they mean, how they feel and why they wish to assert themselves in the way that they do for the missing piece of the puzzle we lost as a child was never given to us by our parents as is reflecting now - it was what we gave away through people pleasing and wearing masks to cover our feelings, the conforming to rules and regulations.
Rules and boundaries are great though the parent who seeks to be right all of the time is usually more deluded than the child for it is not a matter of who is right or wrong, the key to inner freedom for both is who is willing to offer love in a place where ones pride is threatened.
