Do you ever notice how your children are so well-behaved when they’re outside of the house, away from your company or simply on their own? You meet a friend who tells you they were so helpful and courteous, to your amazement! Why are they not like this at home and what’s going on with this dual personality? You may think that when they go outside and act differently they’re treating other people better than they treat their own family, and they are, but you need to see what’s actually going on within them and around them. Firstly, they’re not themselves when they are out. They’re trying to fit in and want to be liked, they find it hard to be themselves sometimes and so they do what they need to so they can gain the approval of people. They want to be thought of highly in the eyes of others and would rather hide their negative habits where they can. Who wants anyone to think they are a bad person—nobody in their right mind? So your child obviously knows how to act properly and conduct themselves in scenarios where it suits them, where it’s beneficial to them, but when they come home they turn back into the angry, argumentative, irresponsible teenager that you’re constantly at war with.
Well, the truth is the way they are at home is their real personality. Outsiders only see the good side because that’s all which is being portrayed and nothing more. If you never show someone your bad side how will they know you even have one? So, don’t be unrealistic and think that your kids are against you and just simply love the rest of the world. They’re doing this so they can gain status and fit in. At home they can be themselves, leave the dirty washing on the floor, cups in their bedroom, argue and just be plain disruptive. The perfect person they’re portraying is the person you are leading them to be when they’re at home but it’s a lifetime of learning for them to even come close to this ideal. That perfect person does not exist and it’s not a split personality it’s simply a way for them to reach their goals. It’s true that most of our kids are well-behaved when they leave the house or present themselves in front of other parents and it is a natural thing. Don’t take it personal and certainly don’t tell them they’re good for others but hard work for you as they’ll take it as an insult and continue the behaviour if they know it’s getting to you. Give them praise when you hear how well they’ve behaved and begin to change their mental programming, Rather than saying “you’re not like that at home” let them know you appreciate their good behaviour in the house also. Theres no point in bringing more drama to the conversation by putting them down as you’ll not achieve anything apart from distance between you both.
Well, the truth is the way they are at home is their real personality. Outsiders only see the good side because that’s all which is being portrayed and nothing more. If you never show someone your bad side how will they know you even have one? So, don’t be unrealistic and think that your kids are against you and just simply love the rest of the world. They’re doing this so they can gain status and fit in. At home they can be themselves, leave the dirty washing on the floor, cups in their bedroom, argue and just be plain disruptive. The perfect person they’re portraying is the person you are leading them to be when they’re at home but it’s a lifetime of learning for them to even come close to this ideal. That perfect person does not exist and it’s not a split personality it’s simply a way for them to reach their goals. It’s true that most of our kids are well-behaved when they leave the house or present themselves in front of other parents and it is a natural thing. Don’t take it personal and certainly don’t tell them they’re good for others but hard work for you as they’ll take it as an insult and continue the behaviour if they know it’s getting to you. Give them praise when you hear how well they’ve behaved and begin to change their mental programming, Rather than saying “you’re not like that at home” let them know you appreciate their good behaviour in the house also. Theres no point in bringing more drama to the conversation by putting them down as you’ll not achieve anything apart from distance between you both.
