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Parental Guidance; Sound Solutions

9/26/2015

"Many adults discipline their children through punishment or material deprivation and almost every case has lacks the vital ingredient;- injecting a solution (empowerment) to influence the dynamics of an environment that are causing the recurring issue so that an individual can be reprogrammed with sufficient change to meet one's own potential success." - Daniel Dempster

Many will come into our life as we forward along the path and more often than not the balance will be tilted, the balance which we term as normality. We term 'normal' as an environment that we feel is safe in and one which fits within our acceptable mental frame of mind. Every balance in life is struck with acceptance. Finding a harmonious balance is sought out by first accepting responsibility for any situation (to the untrained mind usually a problem), as it arises. Wondering why similar problems continue to arise in life leaves us at a crossroads. Why, is the key to understanding, but without a solution in place the reason is irrelevant. Solutions are the key focus point to development, improvement and success in all areas of life.

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The Parent: A Child's Mirror

9/26/2015

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The life of a child is so precious, but to live as adults in ignorance and throw away our own intelligence we compromise their entire life and a chance of a stable future; this is why it should be mandatory to challenge and confront our own weaknesses, seeking to strengthen them before we throw meaningless words around without any intended action such as “I love my kids.” - This term is often the end of the line and many adults are self-deluded into thinking that by making such righteous statements in peer groups, social gatherings an mainly to themselves, they have cultivated enough right to call themselves a competent parent. The truth is self-evident in that competent parenting can be measured by the child's behavior, to a certain degree, but moreover to the way they handle their own reactions within the child's development structure. The parent who is continuously trying to prove to others that they 'love' their children, are usually lying to themselves because those who truly love and care for their own do not need to speak the term over and over or to prove it at all - the love can clearly be seen through constant action and they are in a much more secure personal place than having to make statements to cover the painful truth that they are avoiding something. A true parent does not consider the love for their child or sacrifice the child's development at the price of their own public image. This happens everyday especially within family circles where parents pass the children around to either keep up appearances, satisfy the other or free up their own time, avoiding responsibility. Most parents are simply avoiding responsibility because they are in a habit of doing so. The first time they ever avoided something it was simply because they couldn’t be bothered or that they had something better to do and after a few more experiences of the same, it becomes second nature. When things start to go wrong or the parent is questioned on their ability to parent responsibly they look elsewhere externally, or for an excuse, any excuse to justify their actions and here we have the ego at play once again. Firstly, it is generating energy to sustain its survival and this is truly all it wants but the problem that the parent faces is that they cannot see the denial that they are in and are now forever on the wheel of illusion telling themselves that they have made the right decision. The child on the other hand is suffering because the parent does not hold sufficient knowledge, or chooses the easy root to silence the challenges they face and together they both fall into the trap of self-denial because this now becomes their alternate reality which works as a resistance to the truth of life - the true reality of existence.

There is no doubt that the mother or father loves their child, the doubt stems from the inner workings of the individual because they think of the possibilities and the hardships they may have to go through to change their ways and therefore turn away from the truth that they need to take action. If the adult were to simply stop thinking and look at the situation as it really is they would see that all is needed at the present moment is action. The question of what action should be taken should always be, and nothing can ever exceed this statement in personal development - “What is the next loving thing to do?” There is much action to be taken in life though the mind tends to project fear almost 99 percent of the time which often results in no action being taken at all. We have become separate from our own inner balance and true Self, the higher Self and therefore think that we are separate from everyone and everything around us. The perception of reality has become severely distorted and therefore is passed down to our children as they mimic our actions and pickup on our energetic vibration that we give off. When in the presence of a low energy field such as anger or hatred, maybe an angry parent, the child becomes fearful because this is unnatural to their spiritual balance and because they do not possess the tools to carry out the necessary action to overcome the fear or the courage to face the dilemma they seek to withdraw into their own thoughts and begin the endless pursuit of looking for another way, any way but to face the painful task of managing an unmanageable parent who has lost their ability to stay calm. The child that looks for another way will duplicate such actions which soon become seared into the memory and are now a part of the blueprint in which they will subconsciously operate throughout the rest of their lives until either life gets too painful too handle or someone shows them a clear path and the error in the thinking which they have adopted by their parent or their surroundings.

Every child wants to be loved and when they feel a decline in the amount of intrinsic power in themselves, they do not often realise it but they then become fearful of either what has happened to them or what is about to happen. This is where the personal will kicks in and makes decisions based on illusion, that is to say that an action is taken based on something that is not even true. Any action taken from what one has experienced in the past or what one fears will come to pass in the future moving the person away from the truth of life - the only truth of life is the moment that is currently being experienced such as this moment now as you, the reader who are reading this book. There is no reality outside of this moment and what has happened in the past is only a relative reality because the dynamics are changing through every moment that is experienced. The child’s mind works with simplicity and this can be seen clearly because children cannot understand complex mathematical sums or scientific calculations though if you ask a child how they feel or what they sense in a particular person or experience they can usually tell you that they have a feeling of security or insecurity and this is because they are still very much in touch with their instincts. The parent who teaches the child to follow their instincts and to hold their intellect in second place gives the child a springboard into the realm of self-trust and this is key to the growth of any growing child.

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Tired of Pleading Your Case Yet?

9/26/2015

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Seeking approval from the outside world is a consequence and of a lack of self worth and trust. Self worth is an understanding of one's own capabilities in contrast to the world we live in and trust is an absolute, a knowing that we can rely on our discernment. We have the person who enters an environment wherever that may be, with a severe lack of confidence and this is one who feels intimated by their surroundings; an anxious individual to say the least. When in this state they have no intrinsic power to positively influence the energy field of the surrounding environment and therefore sooner or later fall further down the endless pit of insecurity. Look at the body language and rigid movements, you can see that everything is usually withdrawn which is a trained mechanism intended to protect themselves.

At the other end of the scale we have those who tune into their true Self. This is one who walks into a room and changes the dynamics instantly without even saying a word due to their powerful, undiluted energy field emanating from them. These are charismatic people whom we are compelled to be drawn to no matter how much we try to avoid them. Usually it is envy, jealousy or personal insecurity that tells us there is something 'wrong' with this person. The phrase that often springs to mind is - "He must be hiding something." Look at the body language, the movements and free-flowing with confidence and are like fluid in motion. The truth of the whole situation, the force that is driving us is usually always a fear that we will not look so good when stood beside this person, who seems to be stealing the limelight away from us. If we calibrate ourselves against this person we will be able to see exactly where we are on the scale of confidence. If our confidence and self-worth levels exceeded this person we would hardly even notice them. We actually cut ourselves off from learning what people have to offer to hide the fact that maybe we do need help, but are too embarrassed to ask through fear.

Those who do not need the approval of others are able to live this way because they have let go of the worthlessness and self-pitying act that they are not good enough - this act is usually a default method of tricking others into doing our work for us, to sympathise and to plead our case with us. When things don't go our way and we have people in our circle backing our argument, they plead our case with us in agreement that life has so badly wronged us. We often see these people as the ones who understand, and that the rest of the world just doesn't seem to know what they are talking about. When we are wrong we cannot see that we are wrong, for if it were clear then most of us would seek out the solution to make right what we can at this moment. When we have people backing us - "I'll stick by you right or wrong," they are actually detrimental to our growth and in these scenarios we have double the driving force and therefore more impact when the truth finally hits home. Here is a common scenario where we misplace our trust in our closest peers with an idea that because they are agreeing with us, they must be right. Are we willing to look at the ordeal from an entirely different angle?

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Sat, Sep 26, 2015

9/26/2015

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The Illusion of Tomorrow

9/22/2015

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Here & Now; When you reach tomorrow it is not often clear why yesterday was so important, so it seemed, though ultimately, in your enlightenment you will understand that nothing matters, apart from here & now, however bleak it may look on the horizon, it is all you ever truly have.

Moments are breathless, especially this one.

Where you are at right now is exactly where you are supposed to be, how could it be any other way? Tomorrow does not exist does it, if it did then it would be tomorrow today. What about hope? Ah, the precious hope... It is intention followed by action that secures a sense of direction does it not, a chance that one will gain through persistent faith? Hope, is the seed of faith that spreads throughout humanity when one has put all possible effort in. "Here life, the idea I call life, I leave it up to you now, take the lead...I trust you." - Hope.

When did it ever matter what 'they' thought anyway? We only listened when it suited us, when it fell in accordance with our plans, follow that intuition, that gut instinct that screams and shatters all emotion with the words "I know."

In case you didn't realise, they cannot harm you...but you can.

If we stay, we hurt. If we leave, we hurt. What are my options where I am? Would things ever change after such a long haul of misery, intertwined with the odd occasion where we might share a smile in the wind, the whirlwind we call love? Doors open when i place my palm upon the handle of faith, when I take that leap across the bridge to normal living, wherever that may be. It has to be better than here, though at all costs, even if I am to give up my life, I will walk with my head high, and if I don't then I may as well sit back there and swing in my armchair and be...happy.

They may stick arrows into your heart, why wouldn't they? Would you be able to handle the pain or bare the struggle alone, co-dependency will see them through the night, it can never live here though, I can't live with the imbalance, the tilt and maladjustment towards life, it depleted my eternal spirit, for a while anyway. Don't bother to gather your thoughts, let them go, see them flow downstream as you become free from your own made inner turmoil - yes, you have made this, I, me and not they. Be responsible, be brave and walk the bridge less crossed. So it seems that to catch a train out of here I must first buy my ticket - movement is freedom and freedom is this moment here and now. Yesterday lingers and tomorrow never comes. Here is my ticket...or there is the tunnel leading nowhere, and this is the illusion of tomorrow.

Daniel Dempster.

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Choice & Fate Poem - Daniel Dempster

9/21/2015

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Land has now been granted hope, we are stood at the foot of the gates of Heaven, down the middle between the two halves, the path is short and narrow to make it Home. A golden Sun-Rai as it shines this day, I thought would shine no more out there, not like in here anyway. Now I see that if I am there, then I must still be here, it shines forever somewhere in the atmosphere. Only in here can one see such a beautiful sight fall on the shoulders of fortunate eyes, and those who dare to look inside can climb wall of trust and find. Choice and fate is but a lie because at the same time i'm living and dying.

In a sense, the world is a mere place, to find a safe haven from all the troubles man has conjured with his trusted sidekick, then in the silent space does one see the truth matter. In another sense, or, a senseless state of being, if there was to be such a thing, ignorance will be the leader of a faithless army, which do we see today in all its might, weak links and all, twisted kinks of left and right, but with no glory whatsoever, no solution at in sight. So choice and fate is but a lie, here and now I'm living and dying.

The fallen cannot yet hope to rise, whilst duty isn't paid to turn the tide. The water still warm from the light in the sky, but they who see there can never settle here, why? Look with the eye of the heart, the being of essence will surely lead us home. How can we see anything, any other way? The love that we feel is the love of the Higher, though the feelings I have are the painful grasps of terror and darkness that pervade the sands and linger as sweat along the shoreline, somewhere between choice and fate, oh what a lie! Every night I perish then, again I rise.

It is either all or nothing, I place my hand in the pot and pull out my hand. The pot is empty and here I find solitude and balance. When every pot is full, I take with, burden to bare, it just seems to stick to my hands, what can I build now? The curtain draws from deep within, and not without. Those who seek over there always have something to shout about, when there, the marker changes and here becomes there again, what a conundrum with how much doubt. Choice or fate must be a lie, truth is proof with no surprises.

Careless in their speech they linger across the shore again, back across what seems to be their past, though the realistic moment, not the future that they grasp, hoping to find a lost soul to capture - maybe their own and life is now broken, a fracture, too far from home. What is freely given can never be captured in the dark of the taken, the illusion of darkness stops man from being swept away you see. In the early hours, wake, rise to the God-given sunshine, the water drops are moist in the air to temper the skin and shield it from the harsh breeze that blows from the mouth of ‘those.’ - Their fate and choices are none of mine, because here and now i'm living and dying.

They are yours, whichever way you pose, of course. For man has scorned his woman, though she gave him the iron rod, he chooses force over power whilst conjuring right and wrong. What of fate then? Who would have such an epic task to fulfill, to gather the dying petals, there is such a one. The unfortunate, so it seems, though what a glorious job under God to clean the wounds of the falling, then help them graze in the glades where new petals grow of shapes unseen and more than seven shades of green to know. Falsities shall fall away and therein lies the seed of hope, the seed which grows out of the concrete rose and heads tall for the Sun in its stature and pose.

I already chose how i'll die i suppose.
I already chose how i'll die i suppose.

Shining on without help and so we do, limitless and boundless, searching for truth. He or she that does not see, of course not, it wasn’t meant to be! She sees what she wants to see, and so will he as long as it should satisfy one, two, then a third makes three. Choice and fate are not with me and they pass it down so seductively. Get yourself together, be one, who else could find the way home, two of us, three, or four of us? We are that One are we not? Was there ever such as thing as two of us? Where in the world can you find two of anything apart from the eyes, which multiplies? - And haven’t they already caused the both of us enough pain, I see now that one is enough, thank you very much so choice and fate is but a lie, because here and now i'm living and dying.

You were with me, but wanted them, and when you had them you wanted me again. Where would you be without me you see, me, the endless personality. Well...You'd probably be far from here right now, you'd be free as a bird right here and now.

The only thing man ever had to to be, now we see was me, being true, to Me.

Daniel Dempster.

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Fantasy Vs Reality

9/11/2015

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What do you define as reality and what does the young adult define as reality? A vast majority of the total population are not even aware that they exist let alone find their true reality. They do exist but are not aware due to their level of consciousness which places them in their own perceptive, rationalised mental reality - again this is the alternate reality to that of the realised truth of the higher Self (the higher level of consciousness). They have themselves by their own choices created this alternate reality. It has not been created by conscious choice rather than the cloud of their personality disorder. This can be seen in the person who often thinks that his way is the right way or the correct idea. The narrow-minded individual is closed to the idea of possibilities and seeks to manipulate his surroundings to follow his thought structure. This is also known as a 'meme.' A meme is a mind virus that is passed from one person to another. It is a system of behaviour that is passed along by a non-genetic means. There are often slight variations in the original concept due to different interpretations of its original source and memes often spread rapidly throughout society. It is an imitation of an idea that one has seen.

Once a certain level of consciousness has been reached then the individual is not subjected to such memes as they instantly see the Trojan horse as it appears in front of them. This is one of the particular huge attributes that one acquires through the advancement of personal awareness. True reality has no opposites or poles to differentiate between. It is only the alternate reality that is processed through the brain and operates under the nature of the human personality that dissects things into groups for the purpose of separation. The mind sees everything in a cognitive format and is not the correct tool for seeing the essence of anything. It sees everything as separate from one another and gives the illusion that there is no whole or true reality - that we move forward into reality but are really never really getting there. It gives the same illusion that one day we will meet our destiny never realising that the moment in which we are experiencing is our destiny as it is truly this moment now that will determine our future. The personality cannot see past this idea nor can the intellect. The intellect is designed to assess and conclude through the cognitive thought pattern that is generated using the energy that it accumulates. In Reality (true reality) there is no future and there is no past. The egotistic nature of mankind uses the memory as a tool to create the alternate reality where the individual now constructs a fantasy world. He does not see that the true reality has become the backdrop of his own existence and that his eyes are deluded the same way the magician does the three-card trick. The personality works together with this alternate reality in that its strike and claim on the current experience is quicker than the conscious awareness of the thinker.

The thinker is now very much alive and seeks to dominate the whole experience with the personality pushing the button of feelings which activate more thoughts. Thoughts and feelings work hand in hand together to create a continuous cycle of 'life' for each other to survive. The imagination of a child is wonderful, however we must look at why the child seeks solitude in his imagination rather than deal with the challenges that life presents him. This too is dominant in the adult if the imbalance has not been corrected throughout early childhood. The mind of a child is like a sponge and if it notices that it gains more energy and juice from the imaginary side of his own nature then naturally it will be inclined to gravitate towards it. This is the key to understanding the cog work and nature of the human mode of operation. We must look at the nature of an individual because it is within the workings of this nature that we discover the seemingly secrets of its workings. We all use the term 'human nature' very broad with a severe lack of understanding of what it truly means. Most of us think that human nature is our tendencies however this is true only to a certain degree. Most of our tendencies are trained or learned habits that we have picked up as memes (mind viruses) along the way. The true nature of human is to know power through silence, so find peace in solitude, to be aware rather than ignorant - though this cannot easily be seen in modern society. That is why is is necessary to arm ourselves with the facts of human nature as we can then gain a true understanding and compassion for the problems around the world. We can only be a part of the solution when we remove ourselves from the problem. This is where we find our answers to anything, as previously discovered. The act of letting go through submission brings a whole new dimension to the subject and allows us to move forward and shed the personalitytistic aspect of our personality. For really, this is all we ever want when we have a problem in our lives is it not? What we are seeking when we experience problems in our life is to be free from the problem though we intellectualise the situation by thinking that there is some kind of cognitive answer. To move forward and beyond is usually sufficient whether or not we find the answer - moving forward is the answer.

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September 06th, 2015

9/6/2015

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The Parent Trap - Cross Parenting

9/6/2015

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“Any adult who can move from the ‘prosecuting attorney’ side of the courtroom to pleading the ‘defendant’s’ case will discover, through his or her own humility that it is not being right or wrong that seeds the happiness of a home, it is the freedom from being right or wrong.”

One of the most common causes of disruption and turmoil in households today is the conflict between parents who are battling each other in the hierarchy of supremacy. This entire ordeal of conflict often goes unnoticed by each parent as they continuously enforce their opposing beliefs onto the children, which unfortunately is also at the expense of the children themselves. When a child witnesses both parents in conflict, that is to say that both parties believe their ‘way’ to be the best way or the most suitable route to take, a weakness rises to the surface instantly which every single child can easily pick up on. This happens mainly on the subconscious level until the child’s ego comes into play over the early years but it begins to shape the personality of the child destructively and changes the whole dynamics of the family circle drastically. Once in this circle, it is very, very hard to change unless one party removes themselves from the situation and by the time it is apparent that something needs to be done, the pain and misery threshold has been exceeded, leading to a breakdown in the relationship and the single parent syndrome that we see all over the world. Here we have the rebellious child that sees the weak link in the relationship and pulls this string whenever one parent is not conforming. The conflict between the parents teaches the child that it is okay or normal to bring chaos where there is harmony.

The individual parent who seeks to be right above everything will never be satisfied because life will always challenge the egotistic side of human nature. Sometimes, it is necessary to be wrong in order to find our humility so that we can realign with the other parent and stand by them no matter what happens. This sends a message to the child that both parents are working together, in harmony, thus turning adequate responsibility back onto the child for reflection. The child then begins to reflect this same harmony back into the world because its pivot point for learning a positive reflection from two stable sources acting as one. As parents, it is okay for us to be wrong and we must remember that we are still growing in the world. Just because we have children it does not mean that we are no longer capable of learning.

After having children many parents adopt the ‘I know’ attitude wherein they either have to always have the last say or that they rarely listen to the child, always stamping the seal of authority as the last move on the game board. Children usually want to be heard not to be right.

If both parents stand in union with their proposal to the child then the child finds it harder to rebound one parent off of the other and now has a choice to either accept the advice or go at it alone and learn the hard way. The idea is not to make the child conform but to show them that the parents operate as a unit and this is what they will carry forward into their own mutual relationships throughout their teenage and adult lives. Having lived the scenario myself I have seen and acted out first hand with a partner, this type of parenting approach which, if looked at closely, can be seen in the personality of the child as they are growing. The basic erroneous fundamentals that conflict is normal have been seared into the memory and character of our children as they mimic their surroundings - this is the only way they learn at such a young age, by copying the blueprint that we leave behind.

Cross-parenting is the source of most relationship failures and is evident not only through parent and child relationships but in the workplace, social and economic circles and is the disagreeable, ignorant, neverending battle in the hierarchy for superiority. The father who thinks his son should have outgrown the dummy by now is in conflict with the tired mother who wants the child to sleep so she can rest. The older brother who teaches the sibling to fight back where his mother teaches him to turn the other cheek and walk away. The only real understanding that can come from any off this is confusion and here we have a child, moving into early teenage years trembling with uncertainty in a world full of expectation. Two parents who are able to meet in the middle, that is to say, two parents who are able to swallow their pride and put their ego aside for the moment whilst they decide what is right for the future of their child and to let go of protecting their own emotions are those in the class of the highly-skilled. Any adult who can move from the ‘prosecuting attorney’ side of the courtroom to pleading the ‘defendant’s’ case will discover, through his or her own humility that it is not being right or wrong that seeds the happiness of a home, it is the freedom from being right or wrong.

If you want to know which side of the scale you are standing, the next time you are in conflict with your partner about anything at all, try to let go of your own judgment and see it from your partner's point of view and if you find it hard, then you are probably stood in the 'courtroom' as the prosecuting attorney rather than standing by the one you love.

Daniel Dempster.

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