Why is it that many of us lack confidence during the interaction with the outside world but find safe haven in our comfort zones behind the four walls of our confines? What is it that makes us feel we are undeserving of the fruits to which other women seem to reap so effortlessly? What makes us use our painful past as a reference point to drive our present time forward, bringing us limitation and lack of self-worth? Seeking approval from the outside world is a manifestation of fear and a lack of self-worth and trust. Self-worth is an understanding and a trust in one's own capabilities in contrast to the world we live in or what we are told by judgemental people around us and this trust is an absolute - a knowing that we can rely on our own discernment rather than the opinions of others.
We have the woman who enters the worldly environment, wherever that may be, with a severe lack of confidence and this is one who feels intimidated by her surroundings, an anxious individual to say the least. When in this state she holds insufficient intrinsic power to positively influence the energy field of the surrounding environment and therefore sooner or later falls further down the endless pit of insecurity, slowly selling her integrity. Because the total energy field of the environment is of a higher rate than her internal energy she is automatically consumed by her environment, moving away from her self-worth. Study the body language and rigid movements, we can see that everything is usually withdrawn and this is a trained mechanism, with the intent to protect oneself. Now, at the other end of the scale we have the woman who enters the same room with the knowledge of how to attune to her true Self, the woman who realises her self-worth and walks with the power of knowing what she wants. This is one who walks into a room and changes the dynamics instantly without even saying a word due to her powerful, undiluted energy field emanating from within. This charismatic woman, whom we are compelled to be drawn to no matter how much we try to avoid, seems to be ‘special’ or to be holding the key to the first woman’s salvation, but this is not true. What is it that differentiates the two women from each other? Well, the first woman is allowing the outside to define how she feels inside and therefore how she will act according to the other players on the board. This means that she is living at the effect of the world (whatever happens outside is defining who she is on the inside, which in turn decides her present, next moment and future).
The second woman is having an effect on the world and is influencing her surroundings considerably, usually in a positive way. This strength can be seen in powerful business women and in strong mothers in all areas of life. The separator between the two is that the first woman is being driven by fear, usually a fear that she has carried forward from her childhood, broken relationships or the fact that she is unhappy about certain features of her body or life. Now of course, she can only make this self-imposed judgement by measuring herself against the people or the world around her - meaning she can only be unhappy with herself if she desires to be what she sees around her and feels is out of her reach. She is the one who continues to compromise in men (accept anyone, usually the first encounter) and almost any other situation she comes across in life. She often accepts less than what she is truly looking for through the fear of being alone, amongst many other internal struggles.
So how can she move out of this desolate place in herself? When she begins to focus on the positive points in any area of life, only then can she break the chains of a self-imposed prison. Why is it self-imposed? Because she has the choice to change though subconsciously thinks that other people were handed a better deal of cards in life, never seeking her own gifted talent. She may say to herself "I may not have what other 'desirable' women have but i have a good nature, nice skin, a good job etc. so i'm actually quite fortunate" then she now moves up into a higher energy field. It could be anything to be grateful for that will move her to her true destination rather than leaving her stuck in the the alternate, painful reality she has created for herself. The only way she can attract the inner security, self-worth, car, job, man etc. in her life is to move up through the lower energy fields (shame, guilt, fear, insecurity) that she is trapped in so she can accumulate the internal power to draw them in and manifest them in her life. By this time her self-worth and sense of security has strengthened and she no longer feels less than what she sees around her. She begins to appreciate and cherish her self-worth. It is a universal law that to attract her desires she must hold the sufficient power as same level of her desire. A good example is a magnet; a small magnet (low self-esteem or minimal levels of power) cannot attract a large magnet (confidence or high levels if power). The bigger magnet would pull everything of smaller power towards it and attract whatever is in range and will then discard the rest. Here is the mechanics of both women or man of course. Here, we can now see how she can now influence the crowded room or any area of life, therefore enhancing her life and naturally gaining more power to move up the scale towards her goals and ambitions.
Women who do not need the approval of others are able to live this way because they have let go of the worthlessness and self-pitying idea that they are not good enough. This destructive idea is usually a default method of tricking others into doing our work for us to sympathise and to plead our case with us. When things don't go our way and we have people in our circle backing our argument they plead our case in agreement that life has so badly wronged us and we can often see these people as the ones who understand, and that the rest of the world just doesn't seem to know what they are talking about. When we are wrong we cannot or choose not to see that we are wrong, for if it were clear then most of us would seek out the solution to make right what we can at this moment. Where women are concerned (and men) it could be that she is not happy with her relationship, home life, alcohol intake etc., but a friend may say "Oh it's not your fault, if you didn't have such a hard time at home you wouldn't drink so much." Does this really help? The friend is really saying that it's okay to ignore the problem and blame someone else. Then comes in the guilt for not wanting to upset a friend so she agrees and carries on in the downward spiral. When we have people backing us - "I'll stick by you right or wrong" they are actually destructive to our growth and in these scenarios we have double the driving force in the wrong direction (rather than true power) and therefore there will be more negative impact when the truth finally hits home, if ever sadly. Here is a common scenario where we misplace our trust in our closest peers with an idea that because they are agreeing with us, they must be right. Are we willing to look at the ordeal from an entirely different angle and realise our self-worth?
What good is a velvet dress without an honest smile ...